We have to accept that people want what they want

We have to accept that people want what they want. Not everyone has to agree on the same rules of dating. That’s life. If everyone wanted the exact same thing, dating would basically be like shopping for tomatoes at Gikomba—straightforward, no drama, just pick one and go home. But human beings? Ah, we’re complicated vegetables.

For me, the real issue isn’t that people want casual relationships. The issue is integrity and honesty. A lot of women would actually be okay with something casual if they were given the choice. What hurts is when that choice is taken away—when someone pretends to want more, only to disappear after sex. It’s not the casualness that stings; it’s the lack of consent in the situation. Nobody likes discovering they were unknowingly cast in a one-episode series.

Personally, I would much rather a man step away the moment he realizes I’m not going to sleep with him immediately. That’s honest. That’s efficient. In fact, that’s community service. Let the rubbish take itself out. Saves everybody time, fuel, and emotional airtime.

I also think it’s important to check in with yourself while dating and ask: am I developing feelings, or am I becoming attached? Those two things are not the same. One is genuine connection; the other is sometimes just your brain building a Netflix documentary about someone you barely know.

In the early...