The man we thought we knew

It has been two weeks since we buried my relative.Two weeks.And somehow, life has already started doing that strange thing it does after death.

People have gone back to work. Shops are open. Matatus are hooting like they have personal problems with everyone on the road. Someone somewhere is probably complaining about the price of tomatoes.But for us, there is still this strange silence.

A person is gone.And everything continues.He had been suffering from depression since 2012.That sentence sounds so simple when you say it.“He had depression.”But when you really think about it, 2012 was a very long time ago.Some of us have changed jobs since 2012.

Some have gotten married, had children, moved houses, changed phone numbers, gained weight, lost weight, discovered new hairstyles and forgotten old passwords.But he had been carrying something for all those years.And the saddest part is that I don't think we really knew what he was carrying.Actually, I don't think we knew him at all.

I realized this during his candle-lighting ceremony.We were asked to say something positive about him.You know how these things normally go.Someone gets the microphone and says, “He was a very good person.”Another person says, “He was humble.”Someone else says, “He loved his family.”Then everybody nods.You know the drill.But this time, something felt different.There was this awkward silence.

Not the normal silence where people are looking for the microphone.This was the silence of people searching their memories.What did we actually know about this man?Someone eventually mentioned that he loved nature.And that was probably the most specific positive thing anyone said.He loved nature.And suddenly I found myself thinking:

Wait. Is that all we know?A man can live among you for years and still remain a mystery.We knew he was quiet.We knew he rarely visited people unless there was a reason.We knew he didn't talk much.We knew he kept to himself.We knew he had been struggling.But what did he LIKE?What made him laugh?What irritated him?What was his favorite song?What did he dream about when he was younger?What kind of person did he think he...