The Day I Pretended to Know Wine and Got Destroyed

She suggested this fancy restaurant in Westlands. The kind with mood lighting and wine lists that look like dissertations.

I should've said no. I should've said "Let's grab chipatis instead." But I wanted to impress her.

So I said: "Yeah, I know a good spot."

We get there. Candlelight. Soft jazz. The works. I'm feeling myself.

Then the waiter brings the wine list and my confidence evaporates.

There are like 40 wines. They have names I can't pronounce. Prices that make me sweat. And she's just sitting there, waiting for me to order like I have a PhD in grapes.

I panic.

"I'll have the... red one," I say, pointing at a random bottle.

The waiter blinks. "Sir, there are seventeen red wines."

Everyone at nearby tables just watched me get humbled by a waiter.

I point at another one. Still red. Still expensive....