Modern Dating and Traditional Marriage (Why My Mum Thinks I'm Failing at Life)

My mum called me last week.

"When are you getting married?" she asked.

"Mum, I'm 22."

"Your father was married by 23."

"Dad also thinks WhatsApp is a phone number, so—"

She hung up.

This is the thing nobody tells you about being young in Kenya right now: you're living in two timelines simultaneously.

There's the modern dating era where I'm on my phone swiping through girls, texting one girl while FaceTiming another, deciding if someone's worth meeting based on their Instagram aesthetic.

Then there's the traditional way where my mum expects me to:

1. Find ONE girl

2. Know her parents immediately

3. Start negotiating bride price before we even kiss

4. Get married within six months

5. Have kids immediately after

These two things are fundamentally incompatible.

Last month, I was talking to this girl. Modern vibes. We met on Instagram. We'd text late night, send memes, the usual. It was fun but casual. No labels. Just... vibing.

My mum somehow found out.

"What is her name? Where is she from? Do you know her family?"

"Mum, we've been talking for like two weeks."

"Two weeks is enough time to know if you're serious."

In traditional terms, two weeks means I should be introducing her at family events and discussing dowry.

In modern terms, two weeks means I'm still figuring out if I actually like her or if I just like how she responds to my memes.

I tried explaining this to my mum.

"The modern way is about getting to know someone first," I said. "Building a connection. Understanding compatibility."

She looked at me like I'd suggested we sacrifice a goat to the WiFi gods.

"Love grows after marriage,"...