Get Together

My mum had recently called to inform me of the family get-together that's coming forth. Well, she didn't know that I'm actually the one who proposed that idea to our family Chairperson. It was triggered by events I witnessed a few months ago. Across the conversation she told me of my neighbour who got pregnant while we were in class 8 almost 14 years ago.

"Who knew he will grow to be that handsome and helpful at home" she said

"It's all in God's plan" I responded avoiding that arrow

"Mpango ya mungu pia lazima ujiweke kati" she says laughing lightly

She goes ahead to narrate how the young boy helps with the goats

"Mama, are you complaining that the goats give you a hard time?

"No but I'm saying I'm getting old"

"So?"

"So get someone. You're not getting any younger"

My mum doesn't know there's no love in Nairobi.

First I remember what happened to my friend.

My friend Otis is married to a very beautiful peng-ting. She's those kind of ladies that would make you want have one of your own. Say a good-jelousy feeling as my late grandmother called it. The one that calls for development, not destruction.

They have been married for 2 years now and have twins. Brandon and Braxton. I'm their favourite uncle. Call me Uncle no 1. I believe they would elect me anyday, anytime following the number of bribes of yoghurt I have had to carry home every evening and other days it's ringos and bites whenever I pass by.

So it happened that Otis wanted to go and pay a visit to his in-laws in the great lands of Western Kenya. She's married to Nyar-Abandu. I remember some time back he was telling me how his uncle thinks he's on top of the world for marrying a lady outside the tribe. He wanted to prove to him that no human is limited. So he got himself a Luhya, Mercy.

Mercy was a student in KU taking Education. Otis was in school of life trying to make a life for himself. He had nothing to inherit from his father except a sickly looking goat that had lived for more than enough because his dad believed "dala nyaka bedgi chiaye" (a home must have cattle).

Otis chose me because I'm a good communicator . I think you should know that. He gave me precise instructions.

"Tell them we apologise for taking their daughter without their consent and we seek forgiveness. We're therefore officially seeking their approval and blessings to live together. We will come back on a later date to pay dowry"

Done Otis. You can count on me, though I don't like using the word 'we'. Suppose they turn on us and...