Dear dad

TODAY I SAT DOWN AND STARTED REMEMBERING MY DAD. ❤️🕊️Today I sat down and started remembering my dad, and for a moment, I found myself wishing that all these years had been nothing but a terrible dream.

You know those dreams where something horrible happens, you cry, you struggle, and then suddenly you wake up, look around your room, and realise that everything is okay? That's exactly what I wish would happen to me. I wish I could wake up one morning, turn my head, and find my dad sitting next to me, just like he used to.

I wish I could hear his voice one more time, see his face, and call out, "Dad!" without having to remind myself that he is gone.My dad died on December 6, 2021. As I write that date, a part of me still struggles to believe it. Almost five years have passed, yet there are moments when my mind refuses to accept the reality of his absence.

How can someone who was such a huge part of your life suddenly become someone you can only speak about in the past tense? How does a person who once occupied so much space in your world become a collection of memories, photographs, stories, and things you wish you had said?Honestly, grief is one of the strangest things a human being can experience. People think time heals everything, but I have come to understand that sometimes time simply teaches you how to carry what you cannot change.

You wake up one day feeling okay. You go about your business, laugh at jokes, make plans, scroll through your phone, and live your life. Then, out of nowhere, something reminds you of the person you have lost, and suddenly, you are back at the beginning.Sometimes I will be scrolling through TikTok, minding my own business, when I come across videos of people appreciating their dads. Someone is taking their father out for lunch. Someone else is buying their dad a gift.

Another person is posting a video of their father laughing, talking, or simply sitting beside them.And just like that, my heart sinks.Not because I am unhappy that other people still have their fathers, but because those videos remind me of something I can never have again. I cannot pick up my phone and call my dad just to ask him how he is doing.

I cannot call him to share good news, complain about life, ask for advice, or tell him about something funny that happened during my day.I can no longer casually say, "Let me call Dad."I can no longer say, "Dad, guess what happened today!"I can no longer hear someone ask me to call my father and simply reach for my phone.

And perhaps that is one of the cruelest things about losing a parent. The world continues moving as if nothing has happened, but your world has permanently changed. People still celebrate Father's Day. Children still run to their fathers. People still complain about their dads calling too often, asking too many questions, or being too protective.Meanwhile, you would give anything just to receive one more phone call from yours.

You don't really get over losing your father. You learn how to live in a world where he is no longer physically present, even when every part of you wishes he were.And if there is one day I could erase from my memory, it would be that Tuesday when my sister came to pick me up from school.I will forever curse that Tuesday.

There are days that divide...