Cough

She unleashed a small lamp and started adjusting it. It looked somewhat like a ring light. I remember thinking to myself ‘What in the Only Fans is going on? Do you really need to see THAT bad?’ . I could feel blood rush to my face. I’m sure my cheeks were flushed. It happens a lot, they turn all pink and everything. When I’m blushing, when it’s hot, when I’m embarrassed, like I was feeling in that moment. Turns out there’s places that the sun may not shine, but a doctor’s version of a ring light (read examination lamp) will. Her assistant will be the one operating it. Adjusting it, moving it closer, then stepping back to see her work (and you). Then she will take a step towards you and continue adjusting until she’s satisfied. All while you’re laying there, exposed. Naked (Well, half naked seeing you’re stripped from the waist down)

It helped that the gynecologist was a very nice lady, I wish I could remember her name. “This is a speculum. This is what we use to open up the cervix”

“This is called a cyto brush. It’s what we use to get the sample”

“This is lube..” Surely, you don’t expect me to explain this as well.

She was explaining every single thing. It kind of made me relax. Only it didn’t because no sooner had she started the procedure, than she asked me to cough 😅.

Here’s the thing about such coughs, they’re not polite. It’s not cute girly cough that you’re trying to hold back because you don’t want to disturb people or you’re in a crowded place. They ask you to cough like you’re trying to bring up a part of your lung. Like you were drinking water and it attempted to get into the wrong hole. Like your saliva is trying to kill you and it chokes you out of nowhere. The kind of cough you unleash when you choke on rice. Your life flashes before your eyes, and just before you start calling your relatives to say goodbye, the wretched grain(s) decide to use your nostrils as an exit. That cough.

So I put my back, heart and soul into that cough.

“You don’t have kids, right?”

I chuckled. That whole scene was amusing to me. Asking me if I have children while I am in that position (he he)

“No. You can tell?”

“Yes”

Isn’t the human body amazing? That you can tell if a lady has had babies or not by simply looking at her cervix. I almost asked her ebu nione. But I’m not sure what I would be looking at/ for.

Just before she opened up the speculum “You’ll feel a little discomfort”

These words come from the same production house that says your boobs get sore when you’re PMSing. Are you sure it’s not pain? Why do my eyes automatically tear up when approaching rumble strips? You could say it’s a me problem, but I have tonnes of testimonials from women all over the world. Well, my world. Look, it’s uncomfortable enough dealing with the speculum. The part it opens up? Argh. Unpleasant as a verb does not do enough justice to describe that experience.

And that is a disposable speculum. It’s made of some material that I can only describe as really hard plastic (I could be wrong). Can you believe that for years they’ve been using reusable ones? Reusable as in they clean, disinfect and sterilize it before using on another patient. Yeah! Collect your jaw from the floor. You’d be very surprised at how many reusable medical consumables there are. The reusable version is stainless steel and gnarly looking (Okay, it looks the same as the the disposable one. I think it’s more intimidating because of the material). Autoclaving seems to be the most recommended method. This is where saturated steam under pressure is used to sterilize things. Like heat that’s wet. Kind of like a pressure cooker that instead of boiling meat and cereals, boils the microorganisms to death. They use autoclaves for this purpose. I almost explained what autoclaves are but this feels like I’m spoon feeding you. Consider this your homework. Go and read about autoclaves. I’ll collect it tomorrow. Do you think they warm this speculum a little bit or it just goes in with the temperature of Kinangop at 3:00 am on a cold, misty July morning? Some places still use this type, by the way. Someone point in their direction so I can avoid them.

The good news is that it takes a few...