Nilikuwa Mombasa nikifanya kazi hotelini. Kazi yangu haikuwa rahisi. Niliingia saa mbili asubuhi na kutoka saa nane usiku. The schedule was really tricky, but nilikuwa nimezoea kujituma.
It was in Mombasa where I met him.
Alikuwa amekuja kufanya kazi mahali nilipokuwa nikifanya kazi. Tukajuana, tukapeana namba na tukaanza kuongea. Honestly, siwezi kusema nani alianza kumtafuta mwenzake kwa sababu sikumbuki vizuri 😅 lakini najua nilikuwa namuongelesha more than yeye.
Alikuwa akinihelp wakati mwingine. Food ikiisha, gas ikiisha ama nikikua na bills fulani, alikuwa ananiboost. Na kwa sababu alikuwa anawork, niliona alikuwa mtu anayejua kusaidia.
Lakini kitu kilichonifanya nimuamini zaidi ni siku aliniambia alikuwa na son.
Aliniambia mama wa mtoto wake walikuwa wamekosana na alikuwa ameolewa kwingine. Mimi personally, I love kids. So nilipoanza kuongea na mtoto wake kwa simu, nilimpenda sana. Alikuwa such a kind baby.
I think hapo ndipo nilianza kumpenda zaidi.
Wakati huo nilikuwa bado Mombasa, lakini yeye alikuwa Nairobi. Kazi yangu ya hotel ilikuwa inanichosha sana, so siku moja aliniambia,
“Uache hiyo job. Nitakufungulia biashara.”
Hakuniambia tu yeye mwenyewe. Aliniuliza mimi ningependa kufanya nini.
Kwa sababu najua kupika, nikamwambia, “Naweza kuendesha hotel.”
Akasema, “Then you need to come huku tufungue hotel.”
And I trusted him.
Nilikuwa Mombasa. Nikaacha kazi yangu, nikapack my few things and came to Nairobi believing I was coming to operate my own business.
Mimi ni mtu wa kujituma. I was excited about starting something of my own.
Nilifika Nairobi usiku. Ilikuwa late, so tukaenda tukabuy takeaway tukakula nyumbani.
Then I stayed.
Siku moja, mbili, wiki moja… almost a month.
Sikumuuliza kuhusu biashara.
Sikujua kama alikuwa na pesa ama hakuwa nazo. And honestly, nilihisi kumuuliza kila siku kungekuwa pressure kwake. Alikuwa tayari amenisaidia. Kwa hiyo nikajiuliza, “If it were me, could I afford all those demands?”
So I gave him time.
Meanwhile, back home, I had invested my own salary in opening a salon and beauty shop. My sister-in-law, wife to my brother, was the one looking after the business for me.
Siku moja alinipeleka Kamukunji. Akanipa KSh 10,000 niongeze stock ya biashara yangu huku nikisubiri ile hotel ambayo tulikuwa tumeongea kuhusu.
The hotel dream slowly disappeared.
Na mimi sikulazimisha.
Nilijikuta nikiishi naye, tukilala kwa bed moja, covered with the same duvet… and I had already loved him deeply.
I wasn't using family planning.
So one day, I found myself pregnant.
Sikupanic
Why would I panic? I loved him. He was present. To me, it wasn't a big deal.
Lakini sikumwambia immediately.
Nilikaa Nairobi almost three months. Then pregnancy started becoming difficult for me.
Siku moja tulikosana. Hata leo siwezi kukumbuka tulikosania nini.
Lakini alinikosea.
Akanipiga.
Then akaniambia nitoke.
Aliniambia asubui, akienda kazi, hataniacha kwa nyumba yake. Mimi nikakataa kutoka immediately. Lakini akiwa anaenda kazi, akaniambia, nikirudi jioni nisikupate hapa.”
Around saa nane mchana, nilitoka.
Nilifika Mombasa saa sita usiku.
Nilinunua chakula nje, lakini kilinishinda kula. Pregnancy hormones zilikuwa zimenichanganya sana. Nikaingia kwa nyumba yangu, nikala kidogo… then I cried.
Kidogo tu.
Sikutarajia mambo yafike hapo.
Kesho yake, sikumpigia.
Instead, akili yangu ikaenda mbali.
Niliamua kutoa mimba.
Nilitafuta doctor. Tukafanya appointment, tukakubaliana hata pesa. Daktari akafika.
But when the moment came, my mind changed.
Nikachukua pesa yangu kutoka kwake nikamwambia,
“Siitoi. Acha nimlee peke yangu.”
Daktari wondered but coz it was my decision hakua argue akaenda zake.
Nilikaa kwangu for one week.
Then nikaenda home kuangalia biashara yangu. Biashara ilikuwa ikiendelea vizuri, so nikaamua niuze huku nikirelax akili. I thought after that I would come back town and look for a job.
Wiki moja baadaye, alianza kunitafuta.
Nilikuwa nimefuta namba yake.
Akaomba msamaha. Akasema ilikuwa misunderstanding tu. Kwa sababu bado nilimpenda, nikamsamehe.
Lakini kwa sababu relationship yetu ilikuwa imekuwa chini ya maji, this time I involved my parents wamuongeleshe.
Sikuwa nimewaambia kuhusu mimba.
Nikamsamehe.
Nikarudi Nairobi.
For a short time, he changed.
Alikuwa mtulivu. Hakutaka ugomvi.
Tukaanza clinic Nairobi Women's Hospital.
Alikuwa ananipeleka clinic, ananiwacha aende kazi. Nikimaliza, nichukue Uber nirudi nyumbani.
And for a while, I believed everything was okay.
Mimba ikafika mwisho.
Siku ya kujifungua, yeye ndiye alinipeleka hospitali.
Na tulilala huko pamoja.
At that moment, I still believed in us.
Nilikuwa nimeacha kazi. Nilikuwa nimeacha Mombasa. Nilikuwa nimeamini ndoto ya biashara. Nilikuwa nimeamua kulea mtoto wangu.
Na mwisho wa yote…
nilikuwa bado namwamini.