I grew up believing boys were better than girls, I mean, as I struggled to sit, they just sat and I remained contemplating on how I was going to pull that dress without provoking mum, as a matter of fact, shorts became my new norm. Not because I looked better in them but because they saved mum’s energy. She didn't want to keep shouting at me as I struggled to understand I was different and so was my sitting style.
I envied my brothers and the life they had. I saw them go have fun with girls as mum made sure the most time I spent out there was zero minutes. And when I finally joined high school, it was a dream come true. Freedom was not just coming. It was landing, wrapped in glamor.
Mum looked at me imagining how boys were going to have a field day with me at school. I had so much to tell her but I was lip-tied. I was a good girl and would never. Truth was, I was going to avenge the girls my brother’s had hurt and no one was going to stop me. Not even dad with his wise counsel.
On top of my list was to play with those boys’ feelings and hurt as many as I could. Nilikuwa nasema ikifika ni kuhurt wanaume niamshwe hata kama ni saa ngapi nlipishie huto tudem. I wanted to see them break down just like Rosa when she stayed at my brother's house for a week when mum was in Nairobi only to be beaten by Purity when she found her washing my brother’s socks. Who were they fighting for again? The most painful part was that mwenye kupiganiwa hata hakujua akipiganiwa. He was already looking for another prey, with his claws ready to perch.
That was not all, the worst part was when mum asked my brother who they were and what they were doing, he said they were my friends even without blinking twice like he was supposed to whenever he messed up. Dude denied ever knowing them and I had to introduce my new friends yet they were new to me too!
In my 14 years of living, I had not met such idiots. Deep inside I wished the girls would say they were his women and mum would finally know what her son was doing and deal with him mercilessly but the love they had for him could not let them. They were denied and when mum went to the kitchen they both hugged him like the stupid girls they were before they left. I wanted to pull their noses and make them wake up and smell the coffee but the aroma seemed to have an effect on their brains and so was the caffeine. They wanted to burn and so I lit the fire.
I joined high school excitedly because there was just so much I wanted to accomplish and it was not books. I wanted to do the exact things my brothers used to do. I was determined to see boys cry like I saw Janet crying that day when my brother walked past her after a new girl from Nairobi came to the village.
The girl was classy na ndiye alikuwa wa kwanza kukuja kama amevaa hipstar pale village. Even us the village shareholders felt threatened by her presence. She was going to steal all the good ones. I still remember hearing her sing Ninanoki ya nameless akianika nguo kwa fence with my brother and other lost boys lined kwa fence yao hoping to get a glimpse of Miss Nairobi.
Fights erupted as the strongest won and unlike other days, I wanted my brother to win. The mighty in the village had better bicycles while my brother was on foot. All he had was love and good intentions. If the Nairobi girl would have accepted him, the young man would have been a pastor right now thanking God for giving him a good wife and selling anointing oil.
I waved at my brother and went to attend to Janet. She seemed to need me more than she needed my brother. The tears she cried as she asked me questions about my brother only made me conclude one thing; “We mroge tu god ataelewa,” and before I could even apologize for my brother’s choices, Beryl called her father and informed him about the vultures lined at the gate. Budake alikuwa kdf, na hivo ndivo bro alivunjwa mguu while trying to escape.
I laughed hadi machozi ikaisha. I then turned to Janet and asked, “kwani ulinitake serious ukamroga.”
We both laughed at him. The following week we went back to high school and as Janet replaced my brother with a lightskinned dude, I was hunting them down. Before four years were over, they were going to know who’s boss.