Alaine barely slept.
Every time she closed her eyes, the messages replayed in her mind.
You don’t have to pretend all the time.
Someone who understands.
By morning, exhaustion was clinging to her like a shadow.
She stared at her hollow reflection while brushing her teeth, studying the tiredness beneath her eyes.
“How does someone understand a person they’ve never met? What does that even mean?” she murmured
The question followed her the entire day.
***
At noon, Elsie convinced her to join her for lunch.
“You’ve been avoiding people,” Elsie accused the moment they sat down.
“No, I haven’t.”
“You disappeared early two days ago, ignored my calls yesterday, and today you look like you fought spiritual warfare in your sleep.”
Alaine laughed unexpectedly.
A real laugh this time.
“Wow… I look that bad?”
“A little,” Elsie admitted, smiling. “But mostly you just look… far away, like you are here and you aren’t.”
That phrase hit harder than it should have.
Far away.
That was exactly how she felt.
Even when surrounded by people.
***
Elsie leaned forward slightly while grasping her right hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Alaine opened her mouth, then shut it.
She had been about to say the usual.
I’m okay.
But the words stopped halfway.
Something inside her felt tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of carrying thoughts she couldn’t explain.
Tired of not understanding exactly what was going on with her.
Still… she hesitated.
Because once you admit something is wrong, you can’t pretend not to know anymore.
***
“I just feel off lately,” she sighed and said quietly.
Elsie’s expression softened immediately.
“Off.. how?”
“I don’t know.” Alaine looked down at the table. “Empty maybe. Confused. It’s weird.”
She lifted her other hand up as if this would make the explanation fathomable.
“Weird doesn’t mean unreal…”
Alaine looked up slowly.
Elsie shrugged lightly. “People think struggles only count when they’re visible. But sometimes the hardest things to explain are the things happening inside.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke as Elsie gently squeezed her right hand.
And somehow, that silence felt comforting instead of awkward.
***
Later that evening, Alaine found herself replaying Elsie’s words while walking home.
The hardest things to explain are the things happening inside.
Why did that feel so true?
***
Her phone buzzed again.
Immediately, her stomach tightened.
Unknown number.
She stopped walking.
Then slowly opened the message.
“You’re starting to hear what you’ve been drowning out.”
Alaine’s chest tightened.
This was impossible.
No one knew about her conversation with Elsie.
She looked around instinctively, as if expecting someone to be watching her from across the street.
People passed.
Nobody seemed interested in her.
Still, unease crawled through her chest like a centipede.
She typed quickly.
How do you know these things?
This time, the response was slower.
Long enough for her anxiety to build.
Finally:
Because pretending eventually becomes exhausting.
Alaine stared at the screen, fixated on the words.
And suddenly, emotion rose inside her so unexpectedly that she had to blink rapidly and pat her chest to steady herself.
Because it was true.
She was exhausted.
Exhausted from smiling falsely.
Exhausted from acting fine.
Exhausted from carrying emotions she didn’t even understand herself.
***
Before she realized what she was doing, she typed again.
Who are you really?
The typing bubble appeared.
Stopped.
Appeared again.
Then finally:
I was once in the same spot.
Alaine’s breathing became slow, shallow.
Something about that response felt different.
Not threatening.
Not manipulative.
Just… sad.
Like the words carried experience behind them.
***
For the first time since the messages began, curiosity got the better of her.
***
At home, she sat in her favourite spot by the window with her phone resting loosely in her hands.
The city lights flickered quietly outside.
Normally, she would distract herself with music or social media.
Tonight, she didn’t want noise.
She needed answers.
***
Her eyes drifted upward slightly.
Toward the ceiling.
Toward the silence she still didn’t fully understand.
“God…” she whispered.
The word felt heavy and unfamiliar again.
But less uncomfortable this time.
She swallowed quietly before continuing.
“I don’t even know what’s happening to me,” she shook her head in the silence.
Silence answered back.
Yet somehow, she no longer felt completely alone inside it.
***
And deep within her, beneath the confusion and emotional exhaustion…
Something deep within her was beginning to unfold.
Even if she didn’t understand it yet.